The Obama Magazine

I don't have time to write a thousand words these days, and since a picture is worth a thousand words I made a picture instead...

Boobies!

As a mom we all know that there are quite a few times when it is highly more efficient time wise and sanity wise to have the kids just hop in the shower with you so you can get them scrubbed and move on to the next task... this was one such day.
Not that I really want to share this but hey sometimes my embarrassment is your good laugh and I am ok with that. I'm a large chested woman, not the largest but by no means flat chested either
My 2 yr old boy is standing on the seat in the shower, I have him covered head to toe in bubbles... tearless of course, when he decides that if mommy can do it so can NaNa, as he calls himself, so he soaps up my arm and puts a few bubbles on my face... then my tummy which he has to
"tickle tickle Mama!"
Insert my faux giggle when being tickled, and no I do not sound like Elmo
"[L]ook! Mama beebo!"
"Yep that's mommy's beebo, where is your beebo?"
"NaNa's beebo!" he says as he excitedly points to his belly button.

I rinse the boy off as we go through all the body parts, eyes, ears, head, feet, toes etc.
I then tell him "All done with NaNa!"
Oh my but we are not all done... I'm rinsing the conditioner out of my hair, it's usually the last thing I do when I feel my son smacking my breast... or rather bobbling it like a tetherball when you allow "Bubbles"
"Uhm...Sean what are you doing?"
"Huh Mama?"
"Those are mommies boobies, you don't play with those. These are part of mommies personal space." As I draw that imaginary personal bubble around me.
With the most absolute and severely sincere face my son looks me in the eye points his little finger in my direction (like I do when he is in trouble) puts his other hand on his hip and states in his matter of fact tone "No Mama! Doze NaNa's Booboo's!"

How to Protect Your Credit Cards

Yes, I am sure you clicked on this and where like Woohoo! I found some help... I assure you, I cannot even help myself at times!
This being one of them.

My son isn't quite 2 years old yet, he's a big boy, over 3 ft tall, 35 lbs of solid mass and apparently slicker than owl poop and faster than a cheetah! It's Sunday, everyone has a cold so far except me, whom I am sure now that I have jinxed myself will be on my deathbed tomorrow morning but that is neither here nor there. It being Sunday and having the whole family sick we decided to order a pizza, what an EXCELLENT idea! No cooking and no clean up dishes wise!
YES!
Touchdown!
Cool mom points have been added to my account!

Or so I thought....

I order the pizza online, because I am either an uber geek or afraid to talk on the phone, you can figure that one out on your own. I place my order they send me my email confirmation and it says a 30-40 minute delivery time... that's awesome because I am starving! I mean I only ate 4 cookies that I just baked so I need a healthy dose of pizza... yeah, that's it exactly!

50 minutes later I am on the phone... where is my pizza? The kids are hungry and least I am almost sure that is what "maaaahhhhammmmmeeeeImmmmsooohuuunnngrrrrreeee" means, I haven't quite figured out "whiney ass" yet, not a favorite language of mine, pig latin I got that one down solid! I take my purse and wallet and go put them on the table in the dining room (its by the front foyer). Next thing I see is my little man, looking at me and playing peek-a-boo... but what is that? What is he hiding behind? Is that my credit card? Is THAT the card I just put back in my wallet after ordering the pizza?

"Sean get over here!"
"No..." he giggles and runs off.
"Maaaaahhhhhhmeee Sean has yer credit caaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrd!"
"Thank you, I can see that, catch him please!"

He giggles some more and, I swear as God is my witness, he kicks it into turbo! He rounds the corner passing the long couch heading toward the fireplace. I think I am going to be smart and run in front of the the long couch and cut him off at the fireplace, oh yeah! Mama has her thinking cap on now! Sizzy runs from the oversized chair which is opposite the couch and is headed toward the fireplace as well. There is no place to go now mister! Muahahahah!

WTF!

He shoves the credit card into the slats above the fireplace!

"Noooooooooooooooooooo!! Sean that is not nice! NO!"
He giggles.

I run to the fireplace and look... its a gonner. No getting that sucker back... then the doorbell rings... yes, it is the pizza delivery person. Who else? But the one person who needs the credit card that my child just shoved through a slated vent above the fireplace! A slated vent that you cannot get to unless you hammer off the tile! Because some genious decided to hide the screws to the front fascia BEHIND the tile! Oh yay! Good thing I love puzzles!
Really...

"Hi I have a pizza for you."
"Yes.....but... my son just shoved my credit card into the fireplace."
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, quite, can we call and switch credit cards for the order? Or do we need to, what do we need to do here?"
"Uhm sure we can call cuz I have to get a rubbing of the card."

We call, actually I have her call just so she can flirt with the dude that answers the phone yeah right... anyway they are nice enough to say that it's fine and I give the girl my DL to look at and compare with the information on the receipt. I am thankful they just let it go...and I guess I am thankful that my identity is safe because it is entombed in the fireplace for eternity. Yes that means no credit card fraud for me!

Aren't you glad that you now know the most effective way to protect your credit card? I know I am! Really... I am...